Monday, January 31, 2011

Sunday, January 30, 2011

i kinda like this

the song is pretty fantastic, lyric wise. her voice is great too but whats gets me is that violent ballet. yeah thats what won me over...

Saturday, January 29, 2011


you know that scene in the prestige when the girl is drowning in that clear box thing. shes pounding on the glass and trying to scream but of course no one can hear her because she's under water. hugh jackman is panicking on the outside and trying to save her... i feel like that. i believe we're both aware of each other, only a metaphorical pane of glass is keeping us apart... i can beat on it until my fists bleed, but you can't save me from drowning.

Friday, January 28, 2011

diamond eyes

im on the front line
dont worry i'll be fine
the story is just beginning
i say goodbye to my weakness
so long to the regret
and now i see the world through diamond eyes

inspired by shinedown's diamond eyes. its a combination of pen, marker and watercolor on bristol board. unfortunently it didn't scan so well, probably because of where the paper buckles from being wet. oh well, it was just a quick piece. i wanted to try a different technique for hair and im pretty happy with the way that turned out.


there’s a monster at the foot of my bed
i can see it in the light of the moon
its eyes glowing red
i can't sleep, won't close my eyes, i fear that if i do
it'll eat me alive with its drool-coated fangs
and i will never see you....

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

a new goal

i realized that i need to stop focusing on what i don't want and instead focus on what i do want.

curiouser and curiouser

i am alice, i fell down a rabbit hole....

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

the future is like a japanese game show...

tonight i was watching 30 rock and at one point tracy morgan said; the future is like a japanese game show, you don't know what's happening. as hilarious as that sounds i started thinking about how true that is. this month has been chaos for me, i've made a lot of tough choices and done a lot of things i didn't want to do but had to be done. yesterday being one of the hardest things; i quit my job. it leaves me in... not such a good place financially, yeah. i also tend to be very introverted so for me it was awful speaking out and saying how i felt and that i needed to quit. im usually content in a situation even if i hate it, because i hate rocking boats more. but it had to be done for a lot of reasons... one being i didn't feel right there. i believe that God has things waiting for me, good things, if im in the right place in life. physically, spiritually and emotionally. where should i be? i have no clue; but thats life. being unsure of things, doing things afraid, being honest even when its hard. these are some things ive learned so far in 2011, honesty especially. its beginning to be a very interesting year so far, im learning alot about myself. i just hope the rest of the year brings good things for me. but i have no way of knowing right now... like a japanese game show.... or anything japanese for that matter i just dont get their society at all. their halloween costumes, their toys... some of it is just baffling...

Saturday, January 22, 2011


theres nothing like an animal making a weird face to cheer me up

burning bridges

the smell of gasoline in the air
a match has been lit
i'll watch in the warm glow of fire
as this bridge burns
i hope you go down with it

Friday, January 21, 2011

for you

i am disappointed
cos this burden won't lift
but maybe that's cos i won't let it
the weight on my shoulders
i secure firmly with my hands
and the sorrow in my heart
i hold for you

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

it just occured to me

i can't mourn the loss of something that i never had.....

maybe wolves will eat me

so many times ive walked this path
dried mud and fragments of rock are caked to my boots now
i walk and few miles, things look the same
i've passed that tree a thousand times
i just know it
so, i turn around, walk back
decide i made a mistake...
and carry on in the other direction again.

there are rules to poetry, even if they don't rhyme. something with syllables or stuff like that, i dunno. and tonight im to tired and frusterated to care. i spelled weird wrong on a post...

Monday, January 17, 2011

im cryin' out but you can't hear...

im so crazy for this song right now

im in here (piano version) by sia

Sunday, January 16, 2011

oh what a weekend.

i find i have a problem with saying what i mean... and sometimes, meaning what i say. yeah. im going to work on that...

Saturday, January 15, 2011

while searching for bats...

i needed a reference pic of a bat for a piece i was starting today and i came upon two of the most adorable pictures in the world. you must look upon the cuteness!!!

Friday, January 14, 2011

You won’t be the heartache that keeps me sleepless

by needtobreathe

I won’t be the circus that you’re the star in
I won’t leave you roses to watch them die
You won’t be the heartache that keeps me sleepless
You won’t be the songs that I can never write

Cause I don’t want to stay, I don’t want to fall
I don’t want to have to see you leave me
I don’t want to take, I don’t want to lose it all
Maybe I’m a fake, maybe you’re a lie
Maybe our last chance died with last night
Cause I don’t want to stay I don’t want to fall in love
With you again
With you again

I won’t be the fortress for you to hide in
I won’t be the first one you think to call
You won’t be the regrets that I can’t live with
He won’t be the last one to never have to lose it all

Cause I don’t want to stay, I don’t want to fall
I don’t want to have to see you leave me
I don’t want to take, I don’t want to lose it all
Maybe I’m a fake, maybe you’re a lie
Maybe our last chance died with last night
Cause I don’t want to stay I don’t want to fall in love

When we’re scared and lonely
We will tell ourselves we’re only
Just a word from what we needed all along
This ain’t right

I don’t want to stay, I don’t want to fall
I don’t want to have to see you leave me
I don’t want to take, I don’t want to lose it all
Maybe I’m a fake, maybe you’re a lie
Maybe our last chance died with last night
Cause I don’t want to stay I don’t want to fall in love

I can’t stay
With you again


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

the dream

at our usual spot, meet me tonight
between awake and asleep, before daylight
sing to me boy, make me smile
if only for a little while
and when it comes time to go
when i wake, at least i'll know
how it feels beneath your fingertips
and how you taste on my lips

Monday, January 10, 2011

platform boots

so i love boots and while i have 4 or 5 pairs; today i decided to wear my platforms... to the mall. they're about i dunno, 4 inch heal with a 2 inch platform and they're wedges, they come around my ankle. i've probably mentioned them before because i love them to death, they're my favorite shoe... but i found they were not made for walking all day long. as i put them on this morning i knew this was probably the case, but i did it anyway. and within a matter of hours i was dealing with some pretty intense pain. yet surrounded by several stores that sold shoes, i kept mine on... why... i dunno. they looked great and i love the feeling of struting around like a runway model in ridiculously high shoes. im sitting here trying to decide was this says about my psyche. maybe nothing. its not that im a shallow, twit type of girl that exsists too often. im justing willing to deal with pain for... well, stupid reasons. and this isn't the first time i've done this. i can think of a few examples of things im letting hurt me right now. i dunno im exausted and rambling. just to leave on a good note; micheal's was selling strathmore watercolor pads buy one get one free. whoot whoot.

Saturday, January 8, 2011


my life has taught me that i can't be sure of anything and there's few people that i can trust. but its also taught me that i can infact be sure of God, i can trust Him. He will never leave me... i don't think i would have learned this Love without learning to fall first...

ps its amazing how the smell of coffee lingers... thats nothing deep, i mean literally

Thursday, January 6, 2011

another post

i do this all the time; post something then 5 minutes later think of something else i wanted to say. i hate that. i'm constantly having ideas exploding into my head. what i really hate is when i can't keep track of them all, like the ones i think of on my way to work. i'm drowning in a sea of sketchpads and journals as is it, i'm constantly scribbling ideas down on paper. which reminds me i have a new watercolor portrait done that im pretty excited about. however im not that excited that im willing to fight with my scanner tonight to post it.
anyway the real reason i got on here to type up another lil observation i just made about my life. so it begins with hair color. i'm dyeing my hair black... again, despite what i've been told. everyone is reminding me of the last time my hair was black and it was really hard to get the black out. yes it did involve alot of bad dye jobs, some orange hair, over-processing, three hours, like fifty bucks... i dunno. but somehow right at this moment it doesn't seem to bad, it seems worth it. and so i bought a box of dye today. the point i'm trying to make though is isn't interesting how things seem 'not so bad' in hindsight? how over time our mind's can kind of change a situation? it something as simple as dyeing my hair, i know, i do it all the time. but think of it as life in general... i'm going through something right now that's kinda like having emo kid black hair to platinum blonde. its so hard and almost feels immpossible. but give it a few months, a year and it won't seem as bad. i'll be willing to go black again, does this make any sense? im not saying this is a bad thing, no, the exact opposite. i think its an amazing way the human mind copes and develops. i've been knocked down, im shaken, i don't want to go through this again. but soon i'll be over it. the past will be the past and i'll go again. see?

sometimes i don't even know

clown boy, clown boy go away
don't show me your painted face today
want to make me laugh, you stand on your head
but you forget the things i said
your hair's a mess, your lipstick runny
don't you know you're just not funny....

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


my mind is blown.
"love russia love music", '09 "male model", '08
this art belongs to Keira Rathbone and she is a typewriter artist. using a vintage typewriter she creates complex portraits, still life and nature pieces made up of numbers, letters, periods, commas stuff like that. needless to say its amazing. i can't even imagine how she goes about this honestly, from an artist's pov. my mind will never be able to wrap around it but man does it look cool.
get on her website... now:

thinking about the sun some more...

we say the sun rises and the sun goes down but really, its not doing those things. we're the ones who are moving....

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

im tired

so i work at starbucks, which opens at 8 which means i have to be in there at 7:30 and to be there at 7:30 i have to get up at 6. im not a morning person at all. but the one thing i like about being up so early is that on the drive to work i get to watch the world get lighter. usually i would work later and watch it get dark, the other way around in nice. it kinda gives me hope for things in general. maybe it sounds cheesey or dramatic but for a long time i watched my world get so dark and in the past year the sun is finally rising. sometimes theres clouds and it takes a while but without fail it will come up.... well i better sleep now, since i have to wake up at 6

Monday, January 3, 2011


I'm not a Michael Buble fan at all, but i really listened to this song for the first time today. i mean really listened and the lyrics are actually really beautiful. (to bad im not a fan of his voice)
anyway they're fantastic and they kinda hit home for me ya know. i love it when a song can do that.

"Haven't Met You Yet"

I'm not surprised, not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to loose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility

And I know some day that it’ll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait, I’ll never give up
I guess it's half timin and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come outta nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazin
And baby your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

Somehow I know that it’ll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And promise you kid I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

They say all’s fair in love and war
But I won’t need to fight it
We'll get it right and we'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazin
And bein in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I'll work to work it out
Promise you kid I’ll give more than I get

Oh you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And promise you kid to give so much more than I get yeah
I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet
Oh promise you kid to give so much more than I get
I said love love love love love love love
I just haven't met you yet

emotion is becoming my best tool

explaining them would take along time. but i'm pretty happy with myself for not planning things so much and just letting the piece grow on its own as i worked. not to mention that they're two of the best watercolor pics i've done in a while. i'd also like to add that the second one has two different eyes on purpose. that was not a mistake but when i stepped back and took a look at it i though it looked like one.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

God is amazing

i just have to give credit where credit is due. i haven't been in church in a while, thanks to work. today was the first sunday in a while and God blew my mind. its amazing how right when you start to believe that your world is falling apart and that He's not listening, He shows you that He is. i've had a pretty rough weekend, i think i've experienced every possible emotion at the most extreme level over one person. its been a roller coaster and i was worn out, then i got to church.
some might say its sounds crazy but God speaks directly to us at times and today was one of those times. He has told me that He's removing things in my life to make way for things that are better. to let go because its His will. i cried on my new platforms... He never ceases to make me feel loved. the Creator of the universe cared so much about my problem which dwarfs in comparison to the trials of this world, that He spoke through an individual during praise and worship, telling me those exact words... its nothing short of amazing. i'm so thankful. so blessed. so loved.

weird right?

More than 1,000 dead birds fall from sky in Ark.
Buzz up!190 votes Share
EmailPrint..– Sun Jan 2, 9:18 am ET
BEEBE, Ark. – Wildlife officials are trying to determine what caused more than 1,000 blackbirds to die and fall from the sky over an Arkansas town.

The Arkansas Game and Fish Commission said Saturday that it began receiving reports about the dead birds about 11:30 p.m. the previous night. The birds fell over a 1-mile area of Beebe, and an aerial survey indicated that no other dead birds were found outside of that area.

Commission ornithologist Karen Rowe said the birds showed physical trauma, and she speculated that "the flock could have been hit by lightning or high-altitude hail."

The commission said that New Year's Eve revelers shooting off fireworks in the area could have startled the birds from their roost and caused them to die from stress.

Robby King, a wildlife officer for the agency, collected about 65 dead birds, which will be sent for testing to the state Livestock and Poultry Commission lab and the National Wildlife Health Center lab in Madison, Wis.

Rowe said that similar events have occurred elsewhere and that test results "usually were inconclusive." She said she doubted the birds were poisoned.

(whats wierder is all the people who 'like' this on facebook. i don't understand, do they like the death if thousands of birds. wut.)

Saturday, January 1, 2011

ive had one of these before....

ive had a hundred of them.... but i get bored, or frusterated or just lazy. i delete and move on. kinda like life, ive done that to often in my life. so why am i starting this one. same reason i deleted the last one. im bored. but this time ive got some half decent poems and some pretty fantastic art to share. networking ya know, gonna get famous. not. not until im dead. thats how it goes with us artists....